neoceno RiVer

I wish I didn’t have this crush on you.
I don’t want it anymore.
But I do.

I wish I had looked into your eyes when we were just inches
apart, our heads bowed together, our fingers almost
touching over some project I was showing you.
I wanted to kiss you then to surprise you while
you entice me with your stirring words of wisdom and gentleness.
Your thoughts connect with mine, touching my heart with
inexplicable passion.
But I didn’t.

I wish I had crawled into your lap every single time
you sat down on that stationary table
Zephyrus- I would fit so perfectly against you.
I wanted my lips to graze against your ear while I
whisper all the things I would do with you.
But I didn’t.

I wish I had pushed you up against the wall and kissed you
hard when you smiled at me
one time we caught each other climbing the stairs.
I wanted to know what it was like to have your arms around me,
even just for a minute. I wanted to
think what it would be like if you were always there for me.
But I didn’t.

I wish I gratified when
you invited me to your place.
I wanted to slip my hands under your
distinctive raiment
and feel your skin. The people around would have made us rush,
but it would not have mattered to me,
I would finally have had a chance to taste you.
But I didn’t.

I wish in a selfish way that you were mine
even just for a few moments.
But you aren’t.

Most of all, I wish I didn’t share my secret
self with you, knowing
it made no difference at all.
But I did.